I have always pegged myself as a positive person. Outgoing, bubbly, easygoing. And very recently, it hit me like a big bus of depression. I’m no longer that positive person I used to be.
Dun dun dun!
Upon this realisation, I immediately started thinking about how I could go back to being that person again. And, very quickly, realised that is so unrealistic as that person didn’t have 2 children. She didn’t have bills and a house to run. In short, I will never be that positive girl again.
I can be a newer version. I can be a much more mature positive woman. I just need to try. I need to find what works for me. I need to cut out the negativity and surround myself with positive people and ‘things’.
After I had Alex I suffered with PND, and now that I’ve had Ellie I can feel myself slipping down that same road again. This is the last thing I want. I hated who I was during that time of depression and anxiety and I still hate the person I am now. My self esteem is at an all time low and it’s time I put a stop to it.
And so, I want to bring you guys along for the ride. Upon my realisation that I am in fact Miss Negativity, I immediately hopped onto YouTube to hunt for tips on how to stay positive even when times are tough. The end result from this was that I had made myself feel more negative as all these people were so positive that it made me sad that I wasn’t like that. I did find a couple of useful videos (including this one from Rebecca Meldrum – I love her by the way) and I have a few things I can try now. The consensus seems to be that it’s actually ok to have a bad day – you don’t need to be positive 100% of the time. It seems a bit backwards but punishing yourself for having an off day is just going to make you feel worse. The other everyone advises to do is to work out what is causing the negativity and fix it. Where is the negativity coming from? Is it other people? Or is it coming from yourself?
So, I’m now of to brew myself a big pot of Positivi-Tea (get it?) while Elliedocus sleeps and try and find my ‘happy place’ before picking Alexsaurus up from pre-school.
If anyone has any book recommendations or YouTube channels or anything that can help me on my journey to being a more positive person – please, let me know.