You always get that point in pregnancy where you start wondering whether this could be your last ‘new week’. And I’ve now started asking myself when my last ‘Pregnancy Update’ will be and when my ‘here’s baby!’ post will be written.
I’m really struggling now. Not just physically but mentally. Actually, scrap that, mainly mentally. Of course pregnancy is physically demanding – for example, we went for a walk which completely ruined my back. Totally regretted it afterwards. But god it felt good to get out and about. But I’m talking about the dreaded D-word. Yes, I’ve felt myself slipping into old patterns of depression and anxiety, and it’s too bloody hard to get out of. I’ve found myself questioning whether I’m a good mum, whether I can cope with 2 children and whether Alex is going to hate me. Actually I’ve pretty much convinced myself that he will. That he’ll think that I’ve replaced him and don’t want him anymore. None of this could be further from the truth. But his behaviour over the last week hasn’t exactly helped with these thoughts. He’s been clingy and disruptive – which is not like him at all. People always say their kids are so good and they’re really lucky, but he genuinely is so good and we really are incredibly lucky – to the point where I am expecting a devil child this time – and all this playing up is totally out of character for him. I guess time will tell.
Our appointment this week, it went well until they tried to take blood. The person doing it this week opted for a vein slightly lower down my arm and it’s bruised like a peach! I’m going back for another appointment Tuesday next week for more monitoring so hopefully baby girl will behave!
On a non-pregnancy related topic – our new carpet has been fitted and our new furniture is up and in! I’m so excited our bedroom is finally looking like a bedroom again! The only thing left to arrive is our new bed but that’s not due until baby’s due date! So I’m hopefully going to have a lovely comfy new bed for when I have had baby!